Chapter 4

Jack walked into the loft. Lauren was lying still on the couch. The TV was on, but the sound was down. He kicked off his wet shoes and left them lying in the entryway.

"Lauren?" He felt horrible. She didn't move. "Lauren, I want to apologize."

"Please, don't say a word." She was distant and her voice was barely audible. "Don't say anything to me."

Jack started towards the bedroom, he stopped behind the couch and looked down at her curled up in a ball.

"I am so sorry." His voice cracked as he apologized to her.

"You don't need to apologize." She said.

"Yes." Jack paused, she didn't move. "Yes, I do." He continued.

"No really, you don't." Her voice was cold and stern.

"Can you hear me out please?"

Lauren didn't say anything.

"I am so sorry. I just don't know how to handle this whole situation. I have wanted kids for so long and I never thought it would happen. I was just heart broken when we miscarried. I know it's not your fault and I apologize for saying that it was."

Lauren began to cry. She tied to muffle her sounds by burying her face into a pillow. It didn't work. Her body shook with each breath she took.

Jack continued, "I know there was nothing that you could have done to prevent this."

"Yes there was." Lauren's voice was barely audible. "It was my fault. It is my fault."

"You don't need to say that." He said.

"It was my fault. Don't you get it? It was all me. You weren't there. I didn't want to have that baby."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jack glared at her. She couldn’t look at him.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Please tell me what you are talking about."

"I didn't want that child." Her words were barely seeping from her mouth.

"How can you say that?" The tears welled up in Jack’s eyes and began to roll down his cheeks.

Lauren stood up abruptly. Her eyes were swollen and tears were falling from her face. "DON"T YOU GET IT? DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" She yelled.

"What?" Jack yelled back.

Lauren paused, then looked at Jack with an incredible amount of pain in her eyes. "It wasn't yours. It was never yours. I couldn't go on with it, knowing that it wasn't your child."

Jack’s heart sank and he began to cry. "What are you talking about?" He struggle with his voice.

"It wasn't yours." Lauren had stopped crying. "It wasn't yours." her words fell softly from her lips, almost whispering.

Somehow he understood what she was saying. He was able to understand and convince himself that it wasn't his.

"How do you know?" Jack asked her, almost whispering.

"I just know." She said, looking at me convincingly. "I just know."

Jack looked at her, his heart swelled with pain.

Lauren gazed at the floor, rocking back and forth in obvious pain.

"Lauren, it wouldn't have mattered. You should have talked to me before you did this. We could have worked through this." Jack’s knees were weak and he knew he had to leave. "I would have loved you and the baby all the same." He was serious.

"How?"
"Because…you are my life. You were my life." His words were becoming angry.

Jack sat down at the dining table and put his head in his hands and wept. Lauren got up and stood behind him.

"You're right. It was my fault." She whispered into my ear.

"God Lauren. How could you do this?"

"I didn't know what to do."

"You should have talked to me."

"I couldn't. I couldn't tell you what I did."

"I love you so much that I would have gotten over it. But, this...this is something that is unforgivable. I would have been there for you and the baby as if it were my own."

"I didn't know what to do." Lauren said, hysterically.

"You should have had a little more faith in me." Jack said, walking towards the bedroom. "You should have had more faith."