Chapter 3

Jack lay in bed listening to Lauren breathe. She was close to Jack and her breath landed on his shoulder. He had awakened almost two hours ago. It was dark and the windows were open. The only light came from a lone street light at the intersection just down the street from the loft apartment the two shared. The smell of an impending rain crept into the room.

Sleeping had become a problem. Most nights Jack would just lay there in bed staring up at the ceiling fan watching it as it slowly turned. He tried to keep his eyes on just one blade and watch it continuously - trying to make it look like it wasn't moving. Most nights that would put him to sleep. Tonight, it wasn't working.

It had been twelve weeks since the miscarriage and for some reason he wasn't feeling better. His depression had enveloped him like a gigantic wave rolling on the ocean. It was feeding off of itself and he couldn't do anything to stop it. It just kept getting bigger and bigger.

He stared at Lauren while she was sleeping, looking at how beautiful she was. Even while she slept, she was perfect. She was strong and supportive and took care of him in so many ways. She was always honest and up front with him and he felt that by not talking to her about his depressed state was unfair and a betrayal of trust between them.

Lauren stirred in the bed a little and slowly fell away from his shoulder. He glanced at the clock. It was 4:05am.

Nice, he thought. Just nice.

He got up from bed, slipped on a pair of walking shorts, a t-shirt and some socks and shoes and snuck out of the room. Making it to the front door virtually noise free, he slowly unlocked the door, opened it and slipped outside into the darkness.

Jack walked down the sidewalk that was adjacent to their loft.

Jack breathed in deep and smelled rain. It was going to storm, he thought. And with that thought the sprinkles started to fall. He kept walking.

The entire time he walked he thought about the prospects of having a child; If they would ever have a child. Why did they mis-carry? His thoughts raced through his mind. He couldn't calm down.

Jack was close to two miles into his walk when the rain started coming down harder. It stung as it hit his face. Determined, he continued on his walk, not caring where he was going.

Jack looked at his watch and saw that it was 4:40am. It was still dark. He looked up at the street light hovering above where he was standing and saw the sparkles of rain as they passed through the light.

That was enough. He sat down on the curb adjacent to the street, folded his arms over his knees, and laid his head on top of his folded arms and cried.

About five minutes later he saw car headlights coming his way. As the car got closer, it slowed down. It’s headlights slowly began to light me up in the rain. Jack sat there, rain falling down on him, crying. The car got next to him and stopped.

It was Lauren.

The electric window came down on the passenger side.

"What are you doing?" Lauren sounded scared. The rain bounced into the car.

"Nothing."

"Get in!" Her voice was strong. "You're soaking wet."

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." Jack was passive, seriously just wanting her to leave him alone.

"Please get in." She said.

"That's okay."

With that, she opened her door, jumped out into the rain, ran in front of the car and stood above Jack sitting on the curb.

"What is wrong?' She was mad now. Her voice was angry.

"I just want to be left alone for a while."

Lauren stood there. The rain was coming down harder now. Her hair was soaked. The pajamas that she was wearing were drenched and clinging to her body.

"What's going on? I rolled over in bed and felt that you were gone. I looked all over the house, so figured you went for a walk. I came to get you out of the rain. Why are you just sitting here?"

He looked at her. His face was straight and even in the rain she could see that he had been sobbing.

"Oh honey, please tell me what's the matter. Are you hurt?" Lauren asked compassionately.

"How did you do it, Lauren? How?"

"Do what?" She asked.

"How did you get over it so quick?" Jack yelled at her angrily.

"I don't know what you are talking about, can you please get in the car and we can talk about this at home, out of the rain, where it's dry?" Her voice was harsh.

Jack stood up and began to pace on the sidewalk beside the car and in front of Lauren. His pacing was quick and angry.

He looked at Lauren, "Do you think you are the only one who suffered through the miscarriage? Do you think that because you were physically the one impacted, that I had nothing to feel?"

Lauren just looked at Jack and didn't say a word. This was the first time she had heard this from him.

"How did you get over it so quick?" Jack yelled at her again.

"I'm not over it. I just had to move on." Lauren yelled back at him, her voice began to crack.

"What about me? How do you expect me to move on?" Jack sounded furious.

"Why is this bothering you so much?" Lauren screamed at me. Her hair was soaked. Her clothes were drenched. She was looking at him with an anger that he had never seen from her before.

"BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FAULT!" Jack yelled back at her.

She immediately slapped him across the face. And in that one moment, the pain that he had caused her easily outweighed the physical pain of the slap.

Jack didn't mean to say that. He wanted to apologize immediately, but the sadness in her look prevented him from talking.

She just continued to stare at him through the rain. The car was still running. The driver side door was still open. The windshield wipers moved back and forth. The headlights shined down the road to emptiness.

"I'm..." Jack finally tried to apologize.

"How could you say that to me?" She started to cry, ran back to the car, jumped in and sped away.

Jack stood there and watched as she turned a corner and drove out of sight.

The rain kept falling, harder than ever.